Door Industry Journal - Summer 2015

Also online at: www.dijonline.co.uk take a break 115 THE door industry journal summer 2015 PLEASE SHARE YOUR FUNNY PICTURES/STORIES If you have a funny story or picture you would like to share please send it to mail@dijonline.co.uk Only clean ones will be published (but it doesn’t mean we couldn’t do with a laugh, producing this magazine is stressful stuff!). IRISH BUS THIEVES. Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, “I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.” “I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.” “We could steal a bus from the depot.” replies his mate. They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, “What are you doing? Have ye not found one yet?” “I can't find a No. 91” “Oh Jeysus Christ, ye t'ick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.” GRAVE HUMOUR A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827." Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says: "He's decomposing." PLEASE READ THIS CAREFULLY! We do not want this to happen to the people who mean so much to us. GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING DO NOT SWALLOW CHEWING GUM!!